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Feel Good
Don't be a victim.
Don't compare yourself to anyone, they're more screwed than you think.
That everybody -
- thinks they're good listeners
- thinks they're very self reflective
- thinks that they think a lot
- thinks that the above are unique/rare qualities
This is a very sad day for me, yet as I look back and remember the times we shared together I feel like the happiest man. I knew I would marry Tiku the moment I laid eyes on her. I met her when she was 23 and I was 26. Though she was 23 she was as innocent as a 10 year old and in the last 60 years I’ve literally watched her grow from a baby to an old but beautiful woman.
She was a very special woman: warm, caring and understanding. She was shy when I met her but as she grew, her confidence also grew and she became one of the most outgoing persons I’d ever met with friends in almost every country in the world. And I think the fact that most of you are here at this moment speaks a lot about her.
Her sense of humor was different yet so cute and funny. Her resilience – for someone so tiny she was surprisingly very strong. Her elegance – I remember her showing off when someone said she looked like Audrey Hepburn J She was so positive and vibrant…she brought sunshine with her wherever she went. She touched so many lives, her work and her life exemplified her belief that you don’t have to make a loud noise to make a change.
Her zest to try new things, to make people happy and to make a difference inspired so many. She found beauty in everything and yet was so blissfully ignorant about her own beauty. She had me believe that I taught her a lot, but I know I learned a lot from her as well.
I will miss her.
- Music:The lines of my earth
Stimulus --> Self awareness, Imagination, Conscience, Independent Will --> Response
Our behavior is the function of our decisions, not our conditions
No one can hurt you without your consent
I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday
It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us
Focus on the Circle of Influence rather than on the Circle of Concern
Anytime we think the problem is "out there", that thought is the problem
Happiness, like unhappiness, is a proactive choice
- Music:Jenny Wren
Plan --> Brief --> Execute --> Debrief
People errors are the exception, not the rule. More often than not, organisational processes, organisational behavior and system failure are the true culprits (leadership, organisation, teamwork, communication, discipline)
Future Picture - Picnic scenario - different people have a different idea about a perfect picnic - show them the picture.
Break the processes into tiniest steps - master the steps
- Mood:
thoughtful
About a couple of months back, I went on a 2 week holiday - first to my parents' and then to my in-law's. I learned something from each of these places - at my parents' , I understood where some of my behaviour/beliefs come from. I was able to identify the beliefs, identify the reasons and to an extent identify the solutions. At my in-law's I realised the kind of person I want to be...and don't want to be.
So on the flight back from KL, I decided I would do the following for the next one year:
1. Learn to play an instrument and play in front of other people on the new year eve's
2. Learn about a new topic - current and general - every month
3. Read 2 books every month
4. Exercise 4-5 times a week
5. Listen to music each day
6. Put down a positive thought at the end of each day
7. Love my job
I started with a lot of enthusiasm but some of it faded away pretty quickly. However, the status now is:
1. I can play 4 songs on the guitar now. I've already played (although badly) infront of our neighbours. I need to learn more songs but am finding F and B chords, which are needed for most songs, very tough - either need to find songs without those chords or just practice those chords more.
2. I started with reading about dolphins because I love dolphins and so I thought if I started with something that I find xciting, I would keep at it. However, that hasn't been happening - need to restart on this.
3. I've been reading quite a few books. Mostly management books though. Books I've read in the last 2 months: Feel the Fear and Do it Anyway, Winning, Flawless Execution, One Minute Manager, Leadership Pipeline, Self Leadership and One Minute Manager. Currently reading - 7 Habit of Highly Effective People. It's a pretty good score for me. What I now need to do is start posting what I've learned from these books so I don't forget.
4. Exercise - sigh - did it the first week. But I'm planning to go swimming at least once a week to start with and I really want to play tennis as well. Not sure if that will be possible unless I can use the Bandra Gym. But swimming will be a start - need to be proactive and ask (pester) people who are members of the club to take me.
5. I listen to music on the way to and from work. I find it really puts me in a good mood - delays, traffic, rush, fights in the train etc don't bother me so much now if I have my ipod on. The other day I walked into my office while still listening to the ipod, smiling and humming along, and my junior wondered if I'm going nuts.
6. I haven't really been writing positive thoughts down but I feel more positive now. Everyday I go to sleep feeling happy and lucky. I need to learn to stay this way and not let daily work stress get to me.
7. I completely love my job now. I've become the HR Manager and there are so many things I've already learned and so many more I'm looking forward to learn. I didn't think it would be as difficult as it is but I don't want to make the same mistakes I've seen so many managers making...and though I know in the process I might, yet I'm ready to accept my mistakes, learn from them and ultimately become a great manager. As of now, I'm learning to delegate, develop and coach and at the same time realising some of the values I will not compromise on in the process.
And best of all I've realised and accepted that I'm responsible for my own happiness. And I feel good.
- Mood:
optimistic - Music:Wouldn't it be nice - 50 First Dates
I envy those who know what they want to do, what they want to be from the start. I just found a friend on Facebook who was in my school in class XI and he knew he wanted to be a lawyer then...10 years later, he's exactly that and doing extremely well. I, on the other hand, didn't know what I wanted to do then and until recently.
I took law because one my dad was a lawyer and two because my career counselor at school, after various tests, said I would be good at it. Quit that to become a social worker within 2 years of practicing. Taught kids from the slum communities at the same time doing HR for the organisation. Completely enjoyed both of that and now I feel that HR really is my calling. I love developing people, making them believe that they have the potential and that they can realise it...perhaps because I know how frustrating it can be if you don't and how simply happy you ca be if you do.
But now, when I want to join the HR department of a company, I find myself stuck - because everyone wants an MBA - the law degree and work experience is not enough. So I have the following options:
1. Do an MBA - I can only apply to colleges next year since all admissions procedures have already begun for this year. So that means I can only get into a business school in 2009 and therefore
(A) I can only begin my career in 2010 at the earliest, possibly 2011 if it's a 2 years course. i.e. at the age of 31.
(B) Since most good colleges have compulsory residential courses, I'll have to stay away from hubby for that 1-2 years.
(C) We had planned to have a kid when I was 30 i.e. in 2010 and now it doesn't make sense to start a family in the middle of or immediately after graduation nor just when I've started my career. And so that gap keeps increasing.
(D) Financially - we've already taken a home loan and I don't even know how we can think of affording my study loan.
2. Get a job without an MBA
(A) It's difficult to get people to even look at your resume if you don't have an MBA
(B) Even if I manage to get into a company, I'll have to start at the most basic/entry level - where young MBAs would be my managers
(C) In terms of career progression, lack of a degree may be a hindrance and in case the company decides to downsize I'm afraid I may be amongst the first ones to go (so if the choice is between an MBA and me at the same performance level, I would most definitely be the one who's shown the red card)
3. I could try and get into a company even if it's at the entry level and at the same time apply to a business school - but I don't know if it's worth doing a long distance/part time course and if I would still have the same disadvantages; even assuming that I'd be able to balance work, study and home.
I feel stuck... :(
I'm sick again...and missing mom. I want to be pampered :(
The things you take for granted, never come back...do they?
Sob...
I mean, I'm all for finding reasons to be happy, no matter how crazy or sane, and in fact I admire people who can do that for themselves. And if someone feels religion is the way to be, well it's their life and their thoughts and their beliefs. But I definitely don't think it gives them a right to do anything in the name of religion.
And I'm not even talking about the bigger issues like war or terrorism or discriminations. I'm just talking about the blasted music that these people play at insane volumes at insane hours and the crowds of people walking on the roads blocking traffic. Is it really absolutely necessary to do that?
I'm not against religion as much as I'm against religious people who don't think about the inconvenience caused to others, who are ready to pull each other;s hair the moment they look up from their religious textbooks, who force their family members to go to religious places, who make 'moral' judgments on people that don't follow their beliefs, who think they're superior than us (actually maybe I shouldn't hold that against them since we think we're superior to them as well)
But the point is, we're so much more tolerant, patient, considerate of people and of their beliefs. I don't care which religion the person believes in or doesn't, as long he/she is a good human being. Isn't that the point of religion...and if it isn't then there's something definitely wrong with it. The sad part is people are so blind to it, they refuse to see it.
I remember my students and their parents asking me so many times about my religion and their reaction when I told them that I didn't believe in God. I saw disapproval, disappointment, even disbelief. But sometimes I also saw surprise. Like they didn't know such a thing was possible. They didn't know it could be a choice.
Well, if there was one message I could give out to them and to others, it would be that believe in anything you want to, but stop and think and let it be a choice. For you and for others.
I've worked in at least 3 different roles in my career life - as a lawyer, in Human Resources and as a teacher. And by far, teaching has been the toughest of all. When you stand in front of 30 kids whose lives you know you can impact by every action you take, or don't take, it gives you an immense feeling of power, of responsibility, of concern and of fear.
As a teacher I have faced so many challenges on a daily basis, made so many on-the-spot decisions, come up with so many innovative ideas, come across so many different personalities in different kids and within each kid, got in touch with so many hard realities of life about which we only read in the newspapers and then forget...
There have been many disappointments, many times I've wondered if I'm capable enough, many times I didn't see the change, many times I almost cried out...but somehow I never gave up. I haven't given up because every time I see our alumni so confident, speaking fluently in English, getting great jobs and taking charge of their lives, I just feel so enthused with energy and optimism. And I know, I just know that we really are making a change.
A conversation I often have goes like this:
So what do you with your free time?
Me: Huh?
You must be working a few hours/days a week right?
Me: No actually. I work 6 days a week, official hours are 9:30 to 5:30 but usually end up working later than that.
Oh? What do you do?
Me: Well, I work in the HR dept and I teach at one of the centers.
What do you do in HR?
Me: The usual hiring and firing :)
DO you get paid?
Me: Yeah, we do.
But still, what do you get so busy with? It's just teaching a bunch of kids...
Me: Well, it may be an NGO but it's quite corporate in structure and working. So we have the usual departments like in a corporate as well as others specific to our work. We have an employee base of around 100 which will grow close to a 150 this year in Mumbai alone.
Really...? *disbelief*
Me: Yeah *cant be bothered explaining it to you, you nut*
Really, what is it with people? I, for one, really think that we (and people like us) are the ones doing the most worthwhile and serious work. Work that really matters. Work that will really bring about a change. And it has,as it continues to do so...I've seen it happening at Akanksha.
- Mood:
aggravated
Now Kana has this habit of putting wet towels on the hooks behind our room door every morning. The next day he invariably forgets where he's put them and takes out new towel and then puts them at the back of the door again until there are no more towels left in the cupboard. Yesterday, I was somewhat annoyed and our conversation went something like this:-
"What are all the towels doing behind the door?" I asked him.
"Breeding," came the prompt reply.
"Breeding?" Quite used to getting such answers by now, I thought quickly, "I see, but how do they breed when there's only one towel to begin with?"
"There's a towel lover, you see," he went on without a pause, "he sneaks out of the cupboard."
"Hmm, so does he romance all the rest of the towels?" Wondering why I was even asking the question and encouraging him.
"Nooo. Towels get straight down to business. They know life is very short and at any time they can be grabbed and made to wipe dirty hairy places."
"Ohhh, towels must have a pretty traumatic life," I said, still continuing the bizarre conversation.
"Yes. That's why they have a RSPCT."
"A What??"
"RSPCT," he says calmly.
"And what's that?" I asked, desperately trying to come up with the full form he'd obviously devised before he could tell me.
"Royal Society for Prevention of Cruelty towards Towels."
...which is where I burst out laughing...!
- Mood:
amused
And I feel jealous when I see one.
Does he know how lucky he is,
does he know that he's cracked the code.
I know wishing is not enough though,
and it kills me to see the guilt in your eyes.
I hate to cause the pain which
I know I do just by being me.
I know it's not an excuse
that that's the way I've been
the way i've learnt,
the only way i know.
I know I have to be perfect
the only kind you deserve.
But I'm standing at the sea
when I have to be at the peak
I hate to say I'm scared
of all the changes I want to make
And I'm scared to tell you I miss you
for fear that I'll hurt you again.
I want you to know though
that I do understand
as you do too I can see,
that the only thing you want
is the best for me.
There are a few downsides ofcourse, like I'm still struggling with the fact that I'm not a lawyer anymore but a social worker. The other day we celebrated teachers' day...it was a weird feeling sitting with other teachers. And I'm still strugggling with the cooking and cleaning at home.
But it's just soooo much fun. I've never stayed alone and I'm wondering why I didn't do it earlier. It's the first time I've so much freedom, the first time I don't have to answer to somebody, the first time I can do exactly as I please. And I don't know if I'm imagining it but I feel closer to K as well.
Workwise, I AM glad that I made the decision I did 4 months back. I still don't know if would like to do it my entire life but I'm pretty sure that I want to be here for the next few years at least. And it gives me soo much satisfaction.
Oh and I've got around 600 pictures of the Europe trip so obviously I can't post them all but I'll try and post some of the nice ones.